My “best friend” of three years moved to Florida today. I don’t know if I’m sad because he moved or because he didn’t say goodbye.
Megan After Her Wisdom Teeth Operation
Alright my lovely followers, I got my wisdom teeth ripped out and this is what happened on the car ride home… Like and share the video with friends and family! Thanks!!
My little sister is a really pretty girl and she gets dick pics all the time from annoying boys, so being the girl she is, she started using them as blackmail.
She now has about 30 boys doing her bidding because one stepped out of line and she got someone to print out 500 copies of the photo and mailed it to his family.
My sister is 16 and she’s running a black mail Mafia.
She’s going places.
When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.
Jesus I envy that relationship.
this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”.
My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.
i love all of your moms
When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.
That last story is worth reblogging
It’s actually a good thing that the zombie apocalypse starts in Florida because then the zombies only have one way to go and that’s straight up into trigger happy redneck territory. I give it two weeks before monster trucks and mullets save us.
can we talk about how this is still getting notes
The funny thing is that i can not actually come up with a counter argument for this.
I will now thank god for pridefest every day because I met the most amazing fucking girl today. Shiiiiiiittttttt yeah :)
It’s 11:30 pm and I need raw cookie dough like I need air in my lungs.
I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna drive to Wal-Mart at midnight in my pajamas and buy a roll of cookie dough because I’m an adult with my own money who gets to make his own decisions.
I am so, so proud of you.
When kids ask me what its like to be an adult, I will show them this post. Thank you.